A lesson in reality
Ed Shamy

Woe unto the public-school math teachers in South Burlington.

They have to explain the logic of the School Board's deal with Gail Durckel, who resigned Feb. 5 but remains on the payroll.

"Teacher, I like Math Counts after school, but if there's no bus to take me home, I'll have to give it up. Why doesn't the School Board want to pay for the bus?"

"Well, Archimedes, that's a fine question. The School Board has to pay $104,000 to Gail Durckel, who used to be our superintendent. Money is tight these days."

"Teacher, my abacus says that's $2,000 every week for a year. What is Ms. Durckel going to do for that kind of lucre?"

"Well, Pythagoras, in exchange for the two smackers per week, Ms. Durckel won't be answering questions like yours. She won't answer your parents' questions, either. And she won't pick up her phone."

"Teacher, my mom and dad want to know how they can score a gig like Ms. Durckel's. Mom earns minimum wage. She works 40 hours each week and she's paid $290, before taxes. That's $1,710 less than Ms. Durckel. Dad makes twice as much as mom, and his paycheck is $580 per week. He comes home exhausted, soaked in sweat and grime. Combined, mom and dad are paid $870 per week, before taxes. That's still $1,130 less -- each week -- than Ms. Durckel. How can that be?"

"Well, Galileo, Ms. Durckel has to live up to her end of the deal, too. She has to not go to lots of meetings. And she has to not prepare a budget. And she has to not think about how to run the district with 7.5 fewer people."

"Teacher, if we didn't have to pay that money to Ms. Durckel, would we be able to have more teachers for math and writing and social studies and reading?"

"Well, Ptolemy, you can answer your own question. You do the math. How much is $104,000 divided by $35,146 -- the yearly salary for a first-year teacher here in South Burlington?"

"Wow, teacher, you mean to tell me that if we didn't pay Ms. Durckel $104,000 for living far away and not solving any problems, we could afford 2.96 more teachers?"

"Excellent work, Euclid."

"Teacher, how many reasons do we have for Ms. Durckel quitting, and our school board continuing to cut her checks?

"Well, Aristotle, the answer to your questions would be zero. The School Board can't explain itself because the School Board entered into a legal agreement with Ms. Durckel in which the School Board agreed not to say anything about why the school board did what the School Board did."

"Teacher, what did Ms. Durckel say to South Burlington taxpayers in her most recent -- and only -- message accompanying last year's budget proposal?"

"Well, Galileo, she wrote that 'the South Burlington School Board and the Administration encourage all citizens to participate in our democratic process....' "

"Teacher, aren't we just trying to participate? Isn't that the right thing to do? "

"Well, Hippocrates, the school board wants to cut $1 million from the school's $33.7 million budget. Without these cuts, voters would get a chance to cast ballots on the budget, so the board is under so much pressure it doesn't have time to answer questions from the public."

"Teacher, if Ms. Durckel resigns from her resignation, can I be first in line to take her job as the resigned superintendent?"

"No, Einstein. You can be second."

Ed Shamy's column appears Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Contact him at 660-1862 or eshamy@bfp.burlingtonfree

press.com